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This Is Who I Am

Hello everyone!

Hope you are all going well.

It’s been a while I know; I seriously thought by changing my blog a little it could revive (or at least help) the passion I had but nope it didn’t and you know what? I don’t mind it at all. Maybe one day I will feel the need to write a blog post about a series or a character and when that time comes, I will still have a place to post about it.

Today I will not talk about anime or manga. I will not talk about my favorite character. I will talk about myself. I have something to tell you and I can tell you now because I have an answer to a question I always asked myself.

For as long as I can remember, I never felt the need to be in relationships with someone; at first I thought it was because I was scared to lose my freedom. I’m a free spirit, I come and go, I was never fond of the idea of having to talk about plans with someone other than myself.

Eventually I realized that it wasn’t only that, it was also the fact that I didn’t feel the need to have any kind of relationship that would involve intimate contact or simple romance. In fact, the thought of real life sex never interested me and I always wondered if it was normal for someone to have sexual fantasies but still be turn off by the real thing.

I considered myself straight, I knew I wasn’t gay or bisexual, so I must be straight right? The thought of that felt…wrong, it feel like it wasn’t who I was, it wasn’t describing me.

This is how I would describe myself.

I know that I find man more attractive than female even if I have a few female crushes, I do have sexual fantasies, but I’m not interested in real life sex at all. Everything needs to stay in the realm of my imagination, as soon as it gets too real, I’m not interested anymore. I can say what kind of explicit thing would do to one person, but in a fantasy form only, nothing more than that.

Same goes for any type of romantic act. I will find it cute as long as I’m not physically included, I mean my sister and her boyfriend are adorable together.

I never really talk about it or look about it cause each time I just felt more confused, so I just left it aside, but I always had the feeling that my identity could be somewhere under the asexual spectrum.

However it changed after reading a friend’s post about their own journey and discovery and I felt enough courage to talk about it with people around me.

Our sexual identity is not defined in books (I wish it would) , you cannot find who you are just by taking random tests on the Internet.

You need to look for the information and see what fits you the most, read other people experience and found the one you relate to.

After talking to my friend, they send me the reddit asexual link, but even there I wasn’t sure of who I was until I send a DM to the Mod of one of the reddit page. They sent me a link and with what I read… it was a realization, I finally had an idea of who I was.

Aegosexual/Aegoromantic

Aegosexual, previously known as autochorisexual, is a micro-label on the asexual spectrum that describes those who have a disconnection between themself and the subject of arousal. Aegosexuals may have sexual fantasies, view porn and other sexual content, or masturbate, but they generally feel little to no sexual attraction and typically do not desire to have sex with another person.”

Aegoromantic, previously known as autochorisromantic, is a micro-label on the aromantic spectrum that describes those who enjoy the concept of romance but have a disconnect between themself and the subject of romantic fantasies. Aegoromantic people may have romantic fantasies, enjoy romantic media, or engage in shipping in fandoms, but they tend to feel little to no romantic attraction in real life and typically do not desire a romantic relationship. Oftentimes, their romantic fantasies are viewed from a dissociative third-person perspective, and not from the first person. They usually involve other people, such as fictional characters or celebrities with the aegoromantic person only being a disembodied observer.”

Now that I knew I could look more into it and that’s what I did and after reading the wikia page it became more clear for me…

Hello my name is Mel, I am french-canadian and my preferred pronoun are she/her, I am asexual-aromantic but more precisely aegosexual-aegoromatic

Nice to meet you.

Some might wonder why I’m doing a big deal of this, it’s nothing huge, well maybe for you. I spent years wondering about who I was, wondering if I was normal, being confused. Now that I know, I feel relieved.

Normally I don’t care about labels, I said it, I’m a free spirit, but discovering this part of myself, being able to say “this is who I am” it’s relieving. I’m not confused anymore and that just makes me feel a bit better about myself.

And that is enough for me to write this post.

~ Thank you for reading ~

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Simply Mel

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4 thoughts on “This Is Who I Am Leave a comment

  1. Omg, after reading this I’m starting to realise I may be aegosexual-aegoromatic as well. I’ve identified as ace-aro for the longest time, or specifically as grey ace-aro because I knew I was on the spectrum but it didn’t feel completely accurate. I didn’t even know there were terms for this. Thank you so much for sharing this!

    Also, hello, Mel! I’m happy you were able to discover your identity and feel comfortable enough to share it with us. 🙂 Wishing you joy always. ♥

    Liked by 2 people

    • I’m coming from a place where “Asexuality” is not something well known, like the first time I learn about it was a few years ago, when I knew what it was I was like “that sound like me, but is it really?” like you I didn’t knew what was aegosexuality or aegoromantic, after looking at the link that was sent to me and talking to the reddit mod, I looked into it and yes that was me.

      It felt awesome knowing who I finally was.
      I will not say that I’m fully complete, but it’s quite close.

      I learned a lot reading the reddit post and resource link to it.
      I’m glad this post helped you in a sense.

      I’m more comfortable to tell you guys first than my own family, not even sure if the will understand it.

      At least I know I have you guy to support me.

      Wishing you peace and joy too.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s always nice when we can find a term that makes us go, oh so that’s what I am. I had a similar experience earlier this year actually. A few years ago I came out as non-binary because I have no connection to myself and gender and for a long time I considered myself pansexual (someone who can be attracted to anyone regardless of gender, or at least that is what I thought it meant) it was only recently when reading up on the asexuality spectrum because one of my friends came out as asexual that I came across the term demisexual, which is someone who only has sexual feelings towards someone they share a deep romantic relationship with and it was like a eureka moment for me.

    It was that I was never interested in sex it was just that I did not even see the point in sharing something so intimate with someone I did not care for on an intimate level. I always thought, oh I must just be old fashioned but then when I learned about demisexuality it just clicked.

    I’m so happy you found a comfortable place for yourself and have the confidence in yourself to share this in a blog post, I must confess I have missed reading your posts. Good luck with your future endeavours and happy Pride!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Knowing who you are it give you the feeling you belong somewhere.

      There is plenty of post I could write for the blog but… I don’t have the thrives right now to write them. One day maybe.

      Like

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