Hope you are all going well.
It’s been a while I know; I seriously thought by changing my blog a little it could revive (or at least help) the passion I had but nope it didn’t and you know what? I don’t mind it at all. Maybe one day I will feel the need to write a blog post about a series or a character and when that time comes, I will still have a place to post about it.
Today I will not talk about anime or manga. I will not talk about my favorite character. I will talk about myself. I have something to tell you and I can tell you now because I have an answer to a question I always asked myself.
For as long as I can remember, I never felt the need to be in relationships with someone; at first I thought it was because I was scared to lose my freedom. I’m a free spirit, I come and go, I was never fond of the idea of having to talk about plans with someone other than myself.
Eventually I realized that it wasn’t only that, it was also the fact that I didn’t feel the need to have any kind of relationship that would involve intimate contact or simple romance. In fact, the thought of real life sex never interested me and I always wondered if it was normal for someone to have sexual fantasies but still be turn off by the real thing.
I considered myself straight, I knew I wasn’t gay or bisexual, so I must be straight right? The thought of that felt…wrong, it feel like it wasn’t who I was, it wasn’t describing me.
This is how I would describe myself.
I know that I find man more attractive than female even if I have a few female crushes, I do have sexual fantasies, but I’m not interested in real life sex at all. Everything needs to stay in the realm of my imagination, as soon as it gets too real, I’m not interested anymore. I can say what kind of explicit thing would do to one person, but in a fantasy form only, nothing more than that.
Same goes for any type of romantic act. I will find it cute as long as I’m not physically included, I mean my sister and her boyfriend are adorable together.
I never really talk about it or look about it cause each time I just felt more confused, so I just left it aside, but I always had the feeling that my identity could be somewhere under the asexual spectrum.
However it changed after reading a friend’s post about their own journey and discovery and I felt enough courage to talk about it with people around me.
Our sexual identity is not defined in books (I wish it would) , you cannot find who you are just by taking random tests on the Internet.
You need to look for the information and see what fits you the most, read other people experience and found the one you relate to.
After talking to my friend, they send me the reddit asexual link, but even there I wasn’t sure of who I was until I send a DM to the Mod of one of the reddit page. They sent me a link and with what I read… it was a realization, I finally had an idea of who I was.
“Aegosexual, previously known as autochorisexual, is a micro-label on the asexual spectrum that describes those who have a disconnection between themself and the subject of arousal. Aegosexuals may have sexual fantasies, view porn and other sexual content, or masturbate, but they generally feel little to no sexual attraction and typically do not desire to have sex with another person.”
“Aegoromantic, previously known as autochorisromantic, is a micro-label on the aromantic spectrum that describes those who enjoy the concept of romance but have a disconnect between themself and the subject of romantic fantasies. Aegoromantic people may have romantic fantasies, enjoy romantic media, or engage in shipping in fandoms, but they tend to feel little to no romantic attraction in real life and typically do not desire a romantic relationship. Oftentimes, their romantic fantasies are viewed from a dissociative third-person perspective, and not from the first person. They usually involve other people, such as fictional characters or celebrities with the aegoromantic person only being a disembodied observer.”
Now that I knew I could look more into it and that’s what I did and after reading the wikia page it became more clear for me…
Hello my name is Mel, I am french-canadian and my preferred pronoun are she/her, I am asexual-aromantic but more precisely aegosexual-aegoromatic
Nice to meet you.
Some might wonder why I’m doing a big deal of this, it’s nothing huge, well maybe for you. I spent years wondering about who I was, wondering if I was normal, being confused. Now that I know, I feel relieved.
Normally I don’t care about labels, I said it, I’m a free spirit, but discovering this part of myself, being able to say “this is who I am” it’s relieving. I’m not confused anymore and that just makes me feel a bit better about myself.
And that is enough for me to write this post.
~ Thank you for reading ~